My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Small penises have feelings too.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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