It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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