i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
im holly from the hills drunk
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
