she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
