and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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