He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize