I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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