sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
