2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
