if i can run in heels then i can drive
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
