So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
