he wants to bone in the snuggie
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
