so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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