I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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