jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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