i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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