The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
