Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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