..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
