maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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