Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
