my phone cant type all the emotion im having
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
