i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
