he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
