I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
