They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
