I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
