i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
