Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
