It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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