Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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