a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have already put on my inside pants.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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