who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
