oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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