sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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