there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
