just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
