can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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