ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
