someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think my fart just growled at me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
