and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
