I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
