So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize