I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
