Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
