There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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