Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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