It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
