these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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