I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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