god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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