that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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