im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
