I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
it's great music for shaving your balls
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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