they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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