he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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