Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
