when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize