DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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