On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
