Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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