So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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