these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
