Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
