3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my shit smells like andre
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
