There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
