champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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