apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
