Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
