Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
where are you?
Hypothermia
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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