There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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