mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
