remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
