last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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