I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize