It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
