My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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