This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize