I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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