It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
