yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
