It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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