Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
