Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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