and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
