so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
