after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sext me about skeletons
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
