I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
