I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
