She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
