if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
